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Post by Elindir on Jan 9, 2005 0:09:40 GMT
This is a place where members can post any jokes they want to share  I just want to say that everything in this thraed is suppsoed to be a joke so pelase don't take any offence 1. A pretty bad joke, but still worth postingA man was told he had to put his dog down. So he turned to the dog and said "You're fat, you smell, you're ugly and you're stupid" 2. This is one of my favorites ;DOn the sixth day, God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I shall create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty, with snow-capped mountain, shimmering blue lakes, forests of elk and moose and rivers of salmon. And the air will be clean and pure. I shall make the land rich in oil so that the inhabitants shall prosper. I shall call hese inhabitantscanadians and they shall be known as the friendliest people on the Earth." "Don't you think you're being rather too generous to these Canadians?" asked Gabriel "Wait." said God. "You haven't seen the beighbours I'm going to give them!" Feel free to add any |
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Post by Uorion on Jan 9, 2005 0:20:11 GMT
This is an old one, but I like it:
Two hunters are walking through the woods, when one of them collapses, he isn't breathing and his heart has stopped. The other hunter calls the lodge and asked what he should do. The emergency operator says "Well first you have to make sure he is dead." A gunshot is heard over the phone. Then the hunter replies "okay now what?"
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Post by Ishboo on Jan 9, 2005 2:11:03 GMT
The Hunter thing reminded me of this joke.
Ok there are three hunters in the woods. One is a spectacular hunter, the other is average, and the last one stinks. The first hunter goes out and comes back with a bear. The average hunter says "Wow how did you do that!" and the great hunter answers "Well you go out follow the tracks and then shoot the animal" The average hunter then goes out and returns with a deer. The bad hunter walks up and says "Wow how did you do that!" And the average hunter answers. "Well you go out follow the tracks and then shoot" So the third hunter goes out and returns without a gun and missing one leg and two arms. "What happened?" both the good hunters ask. And the bad hunter answers. "Well I followed the tracks and I got hit by a train"
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Post by Eledhwen on Jan 30, 2005 9:36:25 GMT
Well let's see. I know tons of jokes but a lot aren't all that fun, unless of course you know Romanian, but still here's a pretty dumb one: Two cherries hanging from the branches of a cherry tree. One day,the girl-cherry turned to the boy-cherry and said:"Your worm is showing!" That Is so corny!  |
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Post by Elindir on Feb 14, 2005 23:24:56 GMT
Two bats were hanging upside sown in a cave at 2.00am.
Bat 1: "How about getting some blood for a late night snack?"
Bat 2: "Where are you going to find blood at this time of night?"
Bat 1: All right. I'll go off by myself."
*Half an hour later the bat returned with blood dripping from his mouth and covering his body*
Bat 2: "Wow! Where did you get all that blood?"
Bat 1: "See that tree over thre?"
Bat 2: "Yeah."
Bat 1: Well, I didn't!"
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Post by Uorion on Feb 19, 2005 22:45:34 GMT
A book never written: "Debt Reduction" by Owen Moore.
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Post by Ryddyn on Feb 20, 2005 18:48:34 GMT
I couldnt resist:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
After thinkin about the joke after a while I finnaly got it. Why else would a chicken or somone cross a road.
To get to the other side of coarse.
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Post by Tinorfithiel on Feb 21, 2005 10:13:15 GMT
In answer to Ryddyns post I have to say however bad it may be:
Why did the Skelenton cross the road?
To get to the Body Shop.
Duh Doom
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Post by Elindir on Feb 21, 2005 16:12:09 GMT
And following on from that:
Why did the tortoise cross the road?
To see his flat-mate
*Boos are heard from the crowd*
Well I never said it was going to be a good joke ;p
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Post by Uorion on Feb 21, 2005 18:57:42 GMT
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have any guts.
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Post by Elindir on Feb 21, 2005 21:15:07 GMT
Why did the chicken go half way across the road?
It wanted to lay it on the line ;D
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Post by Uorion on Feb 25, 2005 13:41:30 GMT
A woman is speeding home one day. She screeches her van into the drive way, runs to the house, throws open the door and yells to her husband " Pack your bags I won the lottery!"
"What should I pack, tropical stuff or mountain stuff?" asks her husband.
"I don't care what you pack, just get out!" replies the woman.
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Post by Adurûth on Jun 28, 2005 3:04:57 GMT
Horse walks into the bar, the bar keep asks"why the long face?"
Ok a new one read this one carefully, think of the three little pigs and the big bad wolf.
The big bad wolf has already blown down the two first homes, and the two pigs go to their brother's brick home, and ask him"help let us in!" The brother of the brick home says "one minute, I'm on the phone"
Then the two pigs see the wolf coming and a limo coming behind the wolf, and the limo stops. A pig gets out with tommy guns and shoots the wolf. Then the limo drives off with the wolf twitching on the road.
The two pigs ask the brother of the brick house what just happened.
The brother replies"Our cousin"
Pssstt its the pig mafia. Keep your dogs in doors.
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Post by Eledhwen on Oct 11, 2005 19:36:34 GMT
Here's one I heard recently:
After NASA started sending people into outer-space, the scientists observed that pens don't work in 0-gravity, so they spent 12 billion dolars and 10 years reaserching a pen that would work in outer-space. In the end, they succeded.
The russians used a pencil.
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Post by Adurûth on Oct 11, 2005 22:13:42 GMT
LOL that was good.
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Post by Eledhwen on Oct 12, 2005 19:57:10 GMT
I know!
I wouldn't have posted it if it wasn't
I'm very modest, as you can plainly see!;-)))
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